Happy Friday!

So, last night was the 2015 Wave of Light. It's a day where we honor and remember all the babies gone too soon, including my two angels, by lighting candles at 7pm local time. This gives us a full 24 hour "wave of light" to honor all of the little lives lost. While my angels are in my heart every day, October 15th is never easy. It's another of those "milestones" that tears my heart apart.

My day pretty much started with a text from my best friend Vanessa. It was a picture of the candles she was going to light: four of them, two for my angels, and two for other angels in her life. I cried. I cried as I got ready for work. I cried on my way into work. I cried at random points during the day. I felt alone and my heart was hollow. I tried my best to keep to myself so as not to draw the question: "are you okay?" I knew I'd cry. I kept busy. Hell, I didn't even mind working on data analysis because it kept me focused on something other than sadness.

Early in the afternoon our receptionist came to my desk with a beautiful arrangement of baby yellow roses, white daisies, and orange carnations. I cried again as I read the note: "Just a little something to cheer you up. Xoxo. Your person." My sister, Meredith, sent me flowers to brighten my day because she knew I'd be down. I smiled knowing I wasn't alone. For the rest of the afternoon, when I felt the tears welling in my eyes, I'd touch a daisy or smell a rose. It helped.

About an hour before I was leaving work, my boyfriend asked if I wanted to have dinner at his parents' house. My first reaction was to say no because it would be a rough night and maybe it would be best if I was alone. As I thought about it more, I thought it would be a nice distraction to be around family. His family is amazing to me and I am so thankful for their love and support. So, I said I would come to dinner as long as I could light my candles at 7 and leave them lit for at least 1 hour. That meant that no matter what time we ate/finished dinner, we were there until 8pm. He agreed. Dinner was on.

I went home and walked the dog and then drove over to his parents' house...crying almost the entire way. As soon as I walked in, I got big hugs from his dad and his mom. Presley (the dog) even came over to welcome me. Jay came up the stairs and as soon as he hugged me, I started to cry....again. I started to think maybe dinner wasn't such a great idea. We went into the computer room and he just held me while I cried some more. (At some point you have to run out of tears, right?) After a few minutes I was able to get myself together and it was time for dinner. Delicious spaghetti and meatballs. Yum. Babe is a great cook.

Wave of Light, 2015

We finished dinner at 6:56pm and it was time to set up the candles. I took my two blue candles and placed them next to the jewelry box that my best friend Leigh bought me. It was a bridesmaid gift from her big day and has a heart with two angel wings. It's beyond special to me. I set everything up, lit my candles, and took a deep breath. The tears came pretty quickly as I thought about lighting these candles every year instead of birthday candles. It's hard and it doesn't really get easier. Jay took me outside for "fresh" air and just held me as I cried into his chest. He reminded me that he'd always be there and just hugged me and listened as I vented. Vanessa sent a picture of her lit candles and, an hour later, Meredith sent a picture of hers. (She's central time.) It was beautiful and it touched my heart. It was in those moments that I realized: no matter what I face in this life, I'll never do it alone.

Nights like last not only remind us of what we've lost, but are also great opportunities to take inventory of what we have...and appreciate and accept it all. It can be very easy for me to play the "I don't deserve to be happy game" and sabotage the happy moments in my life. I catch myself doing it but sometimes I can't stop. It's a mental game and I often lose. Last night, I fell asleep with a full heart in the arms of the man that I love. I woke up this morning and realized that I have to let myself be happy. I have a lot of love in my life and I deserve it. (That's not easy for me to accept and I don't know why so don't ask.)

I have an incredible boyfriend who loves me and gives me new reasons to fall in love every day. We don't have a perfect relationship but what we have is real. Whatever tomorrow brings, we have each other today. I have the absolute best best friends on earth. These women are willing to selflessly carry me through my darkest days, regardless of what's going on in their own lives. They support me in every way possible and love me through any and everything. Ours are bonds that can never be broken. I am truly blessed and consider myself very lucky. Not everyone has friends like I do! I love my new job and the company for which I work. It's actually a pleasure to go to work now!

While I may not have everything I wanted in this life, I do have a lot....and I'm forever grateful for all of it...even when I don't know the best ways to show it. And while I may not be perfect in my resolve to stay positive, today has been a good day. #onedayatatime

PS- While I couldn't mention each of you in this post, I do sincerely appreciate all of the love and support sent via e-mail, text, calls, and thoughts yesterday. I really do have the best friends on earth!

Summer Lovin'

Best Friends <3

This past week my husband and I crashed my best friend's family vacation. Well, let me rephrase...we were invited but we felt like we were crashing. Every few years my best friend's entire family gathers at the beach for a week of family fun. When we were first invited I said we wouldn't go. I felt bad. If you know me, you know that I don't like to impose on any situation. My best friend assured me it was fine and we decided to accept the invitation. Aside from a weekend in Atlantic City here and there, hubby and I haven't been on a vacation since our honeymoon four years ago!

Crossing the bridge into OKI.

After a 9 hour drive, we arrived in Oak Island, NC. It was beautiful! The drive wasn't bad. We played travel bingo and the license plate game. I think we're still looking for 35 states but we'll continue the game on our next trip! We went straight to the condo and changed into our swimsuits and met the family at the pool. Not 15 minutes after we arrived and we were already soaking up the sun. Lovely. From the moment we walked in we felt welcome. The entire family embraced us with smiles and beer. What could be better, right?

Sunday night (night1) started with a big dinner out at The Lucky Fisherman. They had a great seafood buffet and I tried pineapple trigger fish. If you know me, you know this was adventurous for me! It was delish and I'd totally try it again. Me eating fish...who would've thunk it? Monday night brought us to our first family dinner. All of the siblings split up the nights of the week to feed everyone and the family gets together in one condo to enjoy the meal together. Monday was my best friend's dad & uncle's night. We had pizza and salad; can't go wrong with that! Tuesday was another family dinner night hosted by two of my bestie's aunts. We had tacos and everything was delish; I ate way too much.

My Ragin' Cajun Steampot @ Joe's. 

Wednesday was a free night so hubby and I had date night. We drove about 40 minutes to Myrtle Beach and went to Joe's Crabshack at Barefoot Landing. We finished up with a trip to Maggie Moo's and it was yummy. Best. Ice. Cream. Ever. Thursday was another family dinner night, hosted by my bestie's aunt and her grandparents. It was also her cousin's 10th birthday so we had a luau and celebrated together. We ate delicious pulled BBQ chicken and the most delicious black bean salsa I've ever had. Why am I detailing our eating escapades? Well, because we were included in every family dinner and that was special for us. The family didn't have to include us and didn't have to extend the invite for family dinner but they did. ALL week we were included in every plan, activity, dinner or event. The entire family welcomed us with open arms and we were so grateful.

Breaking into teams for the Amazing Race.

The entire week was nothing but sun, smiles and relaxation. We spent our mornings at the beach and our afternoons at the pool. We jumped waves, walked the beach, dug for sand crabs and had tea parties in the pool. (Don't judge, there were little kids there!) We laughed A LOT and just had a blast getting to know everyone. We also got to participate in the family activity, an intense Amazing Race around OKI. The entire family broke into teams and raced around the island performing different "stunts" in a race to finish first. My team came in last but we still had a blast. Well, a blast aside from the pitcher of Killian's we had to chug. Nastiest. Beer. Ever.

Cousins at Rumor's

We also got to enjoy "Cousin's Night." Everyone (21+) went out for the night. We hit up Rumor's Night Club and danced the night away.  My bestie's sister made a new friend and everyone enjoyed dancing, laughing and just being together. It was so nice to see the cousins together. I don't have a big family and my cousins and I don't talk much. It's unfortunate but it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, I know my cousins would be there for me if I needed them, but we just don't stay in touch the way we should. My friends have become my family and this week my family grew. I really can't say it enough; I am so grateful.

This past week was really amazing. I would probably rate it as my best vacation ever. Yes, it was that good and we're already talking about going back next summer! After everything that 2011 put us through we needed this. An entire week to just shut our minds down, relax, and be reminded of what is really important in life: family. I loved seeing my bestie laugh with her sisters and play with her niece. I cherished the family bonding and was inspired by their love for each other. I made sure to thank each sibling individually and each had the same response, "it was our pleasure." No, it was OUR pleasure. If any of you are reading this, let me say it again: THANK YOU for welcoming us and making us feel like a part of your family. You are really wonderful people and we're lucky to count you among our friends. If you're ever in/near Philly, hit us up!

We made so many wonderful new friends this week and we will treasure the memories of this trip for many years to come.

Sisters

October 2008

What is family? Family, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is defined in many ways. Most commonly, family is known as a group of persons of common ancestry. I choose to define it using another of Mirriam-Webster's definitions: "a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation: fellowship." My family consists of my husband, my mom, and my five incredible sisters.

June 2011

Friendship is more difficult to define, as it means so many things to so many people. What makes a friend? What makes a best friend? Is there a difference? For me, friendship extends far beyond simple kindness. Friendship is an action. It's unconditional and it's forgiving. Friendship is bumpy. It's binding and, in the best of circumstances, it's forever.

December 2011

Halloween 2000

I met my sisters in 1990, 1993, summer 1999, fall 1999, and 2000. That equates to 79 years of friendship with five incredible women. (Did I mention I'm 31?) This is the story of my five sisters and how they have inspired me. Don't get me wrong, the last "79" years haven't always been easy. We've had our share of struggles. From petty fights to going years without talking, we've been through it all. What makes our story so special, at least to me, is how we always seemed to find our way back into each other's lives.

  

June 2010

I initially started this blog with the intention of telling my story with each of my sisters. How did we meet? Do we fight? What memories have we shared? How do we interact? Why has our friendship lasted so long? In writing the first of those stories, I changed my mind; it's just too difficult to document our history in a meaningful enough way. To put our extraordinary history into words wouldn't be fair. I have story upon story to tell but I prefer to keep those private and close to my heart. They are the stories that have shaped me, inspired me, frustrated me, annoyed me, and taught me about unconditional love.

We've seen each other through many good times (marriages, babies, promotions, graduations, loves) and supported each other through many struggles (losing parents and grandparents, battling cancer, family turmoil, losing babies and loved ones, heartbreaks). I have lost touch, at one point or another, with each of my sisters. Some for far too long and some for short periods of time where we just needed a break. It was never ugly. It was never hateful. It just was and that's the beauty of sisterhood. Ours is a journey traveled together and we ALWAYS find our way back. We are each other's compass.

Summer 2011

I met my sisters at different stages of my life. Some of us live pretty close to each other and others live too far away. This family stretches from Minnesota, to Florida and up to New Jersey and Philadelphia. Sometimes I get sad because there are times I want to be there for my friends but distance and money just don't allow it. Sometimes growing up just plain sucks but we make do. We know that we're never more than a phone call away (when our phones are charged and working) and that's comforting. These 5 women are always there when I need them, regardless of distance, and I hope they say the same about me. Like I said, initially this blog began as a way for me to tell the stories of these 5 friends. Instead, it'll just be my small tribute to the 5 women I'm lucky enough to call my sisters.

Summer 2009

Winter 2009

TG: I have known you for what seems like forever. From egg drop soup at 13 to lemon drops at 30, we've experienced it together. It feels like we've been to hell and back but we always manage to come through stronger. THANK YOU for giving me my beautiful godson; I treasure him. Regardless of what life throws our way, I know we'll get through it together. It is an absolute honor to call you my friend and I am thankful every day that I have you in my life.

November 2010

MC: I love you; it's as simple as that. We have so many memories and I cherish every one; it's difficult to pick one or two about which to write. From our first year together at camp to becoming co-founders of the ABBIEs, we grew a friendship that will undoubtedly last a lifetime. Thank you for being patient with me and for loving me in spite of myself. I am honored to call you my sister, and my sister wife, and cannot wait for the next 30 years!

Halloween 2009

Summer 2010

Summer 2010

AH: You inspire me. Thank you for always believing in me. There was a time when I wondered if we'd be friends again and just the thought made me sad. Forgiveness is an important part of friendship and I'm glad we learned that lesson together. Thank you for always being just as excited about my accomplishments as I am. I am lucky to have you in my corner

October 2011

LKW: I miss you every day and cannot wait for the day when we're rich enough to fly to see other whenever we want. We don't talk every day, or even ever month, but I know you're always there. I love that we can sit in a room and have a conversation without talking. I love that we are in sync enough to know what the other is thinking with just a a smile. You are one of the strongest women I know and I am inspired by you. LUMU


 VLS: I could write this entire note in "code" and you'd know exactly what I was saying. Be right back, I have to pee Ms. N. Okay, so where do I start? I love that I played country music at a pool hall before everyone told you you'd hate me. I love that my fish survived. I am happy that we didn't get arrested for stealing cars. I love that whenever I need you I just have to call 888-WDR-LOTS and I know I'll get you. Okay, in all seriousness, I love you. THANK YOU for giving me the honor of being Sara's godmother. Whenever I get sad that you're so far away, I look back at the pictures and think back to all of our memories. It gets me through. I value you and cannot wait to call you and ask if you're sitting down. PIZZA PIZZA

"The men in your life may leave you, children grow up, parents pass away. The only ones who are there for you, from cradle to grave, are your sisters." 

-Sisters

September 2008