Tuesday, October 13, 2015

A Good Day Turned Bad

Today was a good day at work. I love my new job and I was busy today; it went quickly and that's always a good thing! I decided it would be a good night to run some errands. I needed to pick up my birth control pills at Planned Parenthood and go get candles for this year's Wave of Light. I left work on a good note and felt good, overall, about the day.

As I approached the parking lot of PP, I noticed a group of people gathered by the entrance to the parking lot. As I got closer, I realized they were protesters and then I saw them...the signs: "Pray to End Abortion." There it was: that feeling in the pit of my stomach that literally makes me want to vomit on the spot. That knot that forms when I'm forced to admit that there are people in this world who seek only to judge through ignorance instead of act with compassion and understanding. When I'm not face-to-face with these vultures, I can ignore the world's ignorance. Unfortunately for me, we're nearing a presidential election and I'm forced to remember that there are these people in the world every single day. Ugh. The worst.

I watched as the group eyed me as I pulled into the parking lot, clearly headed to Planned Parenthood. The knot in my stomach grew bigger and tighter. I wanted so badly for one of them to say something so that I would have a reason to walk over. Instead, we just gave each other the stink eye. I went into PP and picked up my pills...just one more service that this organization has provided to me. You know one service they didn't? My abortion.

I had my abortion at a very prestigious hospital here in Philadelphia. Do you think there are protesters there right now? Nope. If this was really about the service of providing abortions, there'd be protesters outside of every clinic and every hospital, regardless of the perceived status of said medical facility. This witch-hunt against PP is absolutely disgusting. PP helped me all through college and again when I was without medical insurance. They provided me with my annual pelvic exam, my annual breast exam, and birth control options to help me manage my reproductive health as I deemed most appropriate.

Anyway, back to the original point here. Abortion, and having to face the difficult decision of having one, is very personal. Women who are forced to make this choice should be respected, supported, comforted, understood, and honored for their strength. Instead, we are most often shamed, discarded, silenced, discouraged, judged, and misunderstood. It's sad to me and it's the single most important reason that I share my story. I absolutely refuse to be shamed into silence.

Abortion is not always about an unwanted pregnancy or a young girl who just didn't know better. I was married, college educated, over 30, and desperately wanting to be a mother. Being faced with the decision of having to terminate my pregnancy is the single worst experience of my entire life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone! With that said, I am proud of my choice. I am grateful to have had a team of doctors that supported my right to choose what was best for my family and me, WITHOUT JUDGMENT. (Side note, I go to an OB-GYN affiliated with a catholic hospital and they STILL gave me all of the education and options I needed to make an informed decision.) I am forever thankful for the love and support of (most) of my friends and family while I tried, often without success, to manage my emotions through that entire month of hell. It has been 4 years since that awful September and I still breakdown, relatively often actually. Instead of birthdays and first days of school, my milestones surround due dates, national remembrance days, and the "anniversaries" of the most difficult days of my life.  But you know what? I cherish those milestones because they're mine. They're a part of my story and they will always be special to my angels and me.

So, that's how my great day ended. The only thing that made it a little better was my rolling down my window, screaming "you're all fucking dumb" and then watching the storm roll in and drench those fools in a downpour. I hope they all catch pneumonia. #EndRant


  1. Those people only know that word as not wanting, killing. To them, there is no other side. That is why they don't matter!
    Those milestones you spoke about, they are celebrated with you by your family. I for one, will also light a candle, send off a balloon and think of you and those angels on those milestone dates. Keep your head up and know you have the best guardian angels out there! XoxO

  2. Well said, Meredith. They don't matter. And may God have mercy on their "Christian" souls. I love you, and I'm thinking about you, and your angels today 💕💙